Agree, amusing dating a chick with a kid not take head!
Posted in Dating
The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. So I have a bit of an interesting dating dilemma. I'm hoping you can maybe help me out with it, since you're such a genius when it comes to this stuff so you say. I recently met a woman online who checks all my boxes. Gorgeous, beautiful long dark hair, funny, flirtatious, and not shy about sending me naughty pictures. Clearly into me but not coming on too strong.
Does this sound like a fun time? Do you want to live in a bad Judd Apatow movie? The worst-case possibility is that he gets jealous when he witnesses your relationship, and tries to get back in there.
You could start dating this woman, establish a wicked sex life, laugh together, have a bunch of fun datesand then get vetoed by a 4-year-old. A truly humiliating possibility. OK, you say, no problem. Congratulations on your resilience and charisma, your Amazing Dude badge is in the mail. Dating someone with a kid is dating in hard mode. If you don't - that's fine. There are a ton of online dating sites out there full of gorgeous people who aren't also parents.
Bring it on, you say. Very well, then - proceed with caution, but only after you also think about one more issue. Or lightly. A lot of dudes, myself included, fall for this sometimes. We go for the troubled girl with a coke habit because the idea of turmoil is exciting.
Let me fit in a disclaimer at the end here. Single moms are heroes and they deserve a huge level of respect by default.
So, you could absolutely have a great relationship on your hands. As long as your definition of a great relationship can expand to include dealing with infant diarrhea, a potentially angry ex-husband, canceled dates, and being judged by a temperamental child. Think you could use some dating help, too?
Keep the best interests of the child in mind while dating her mother. Meet Singles in your Area! Try Match. Step 1 Don't rush in too quickly. Step 2 Include planning in your agenda. Step 3 Define your intentions when you are certain of them. Step 4 Incorporate the child into activities as much as possible after the relationship solidifies.
Step 5 Deal with the details of the situation. View Singles Near You. Tips Avoid treating a single mother as simply a mother. Romance and thoughtfulness will often be more appreciated in these situations. Let your girlfriend handle discipline. You should act like a friend until you become established as a family. Warning Don't be discouraged if your girlfriend's child is resistant to your efforts to get closer to them.
Divorce and dealing with new, unknown circumstances are scary for children. Patrick : You should start dating those poor men incarcerated cause all women are so dangerous and out of control. Most of my friends say they dream of calling The police to falsely acuse men for Child abuse. Actually, that is all we think about from day 1 after meeting a Guy.
Wondering what the pros are to a woman with kids bc I dont know of any. Brad : Were great at scheduling. Our kids need to be at places at certain times, so we have plenty of pratice. We always have snacks on us. Youre still hungry after dinner? Heres a snack. Typically, we dont need you. Weve got our finances covered, weve learned to be handy im ripping up carpet and laying down hardwood floors nowwe can cook a great meal on a dime.
You get the chance to do things as a kid you never got to do. You werent allowed to play with an easy bake oven because it was a "girls toy", well now you have every excuse to. Your dad never played catch with you?
Now you can. Been there done that I have taken chances more than once to date a woman with a child.
Don't get me wrong I like kids they can be fun. But always using that excuse kids this and kids that. It can be annoying after a while. I'm dating a divorced dad with 2 children. Although the ex wife has the children a majority of the time, there's still a lot of time and money that goes to into them. Like most women, I like kids and babies. Yet, I dont want the financial burden of another woman's children, who have ADHD and other developmental problems. For one, I have very little say in how the children should be raised and I get very little gratitude for my contributions.
My guy fiance is starting his own business and so he doesnt have a lot of money. We live together, and I have ended up with the bulk of the living expenses. His kids are the one major strain on the relationship.
I blame myself for disliking his spoiled brats. At the same time, how else am I supposed to react to this lopsided situation and the awkwardness of having to be a part of this fragmented family?
It could also be that I've not like the Generation X's helicopter parenting style. Other than that, my fiance and I have a lot in common. A less than perfect situation but I suppose there could be worse. Edited on September 4, at UTC by the author. Martin Send a private message. Because it makes it harder to have kids of your own if the girl already has children.
Baby daddy drama. The mother pays more attention to her children then her man usually.
Disrespect and rejection from the stepkids. Plus it's more expensive and hard to spend money on kids who don't love you and are not your own just to be with their mom. Not worth it in my book. Only way I'd date a single mom is if I was a single dad.
I can't put myself through that and I wouldn't put that on anyone else. AnonymousTruth Send a private message. I as a single woman with no children. I personally feel there is a double standard.
When a man is single or divorced, he feels he is entitled to date women with no children, be considered as a prize and all sorts of things. But when there is a woman who is in the same exact category, I have seen men say the women do not deserve a second chance at true love or marriage.
Now, I do understand and feel it is fair that some men do not wish to be with a woman who already has children. That is fine, everyone has their preferences. I do however feel that the very same rules should be applied to single fathers, and divorced single fathers too no matter how attractive they are. On dating sites and in other singles spaces, there are tons of men who reveal "I have kids" And they feel they are a good catch for single women who are childless.
These men should be not considered to be the best choice for women to get involved with. Maybe a single dad will try to use a young woman with no kids to take on the responsibilities and duties of being his kids mum Sterling Send a private message. Straight forward, I bring enough to the table that I don't need to settle in that ct or any others. Reason: Vast range of unknown, most of which Kingslayer mentioned. Maybe you have to stop online dating.
I had a handicap as well, called old age. Even my 10 years my junior husband said that he would never have searched for a woman as old as I am. I also had a little bit of another handicap called race. Very few men respond to black women's profiles. So I stopped online dating and began living in real life. When I was in my early twenties I had a string of young women who I couldn't stand. They were immature, irresponsible, didn't have a mind of their own, and badgered me constantly about wanting a baby.
I wanted a woman who had been there, done that, and gotten over it about everything in life, not just having children. By the time I was twenty four, I was looking at women forty, fifty, sometimes rarely even sixty years old.
Don't you or any woman think your age is bad. As a mature woman you are not held back, you do not burden your partner, with inexperience and uncertainty! Apparently "35" was a hard limit for a lot of men.
Dating a chick with a kid - Is the number one destination for online dating with more marriages than any other dating or personals site. Want to meet eligible single man who share your zest for life? Indeed, for those who've tried and failed to find the right man offline, footing can provide. Rich woman looking for older woman & younger woman. Dating single moms are tricky and it's not like dating a woman without kids at all. Best piece of advice that I could give, wait a long time before meeting the kiddos, and after meeting the kids do not let your feelings for the kids affect the relationship with the mother. the kid can always throw the "you aren't the parent" line at you and. Dating a chick with a kid - Register and search over 40 million singles: chat. Men looking for a man - Women looking for a man. Men looking for a woman - Women looking for a woman.
I have absolutely ZERO sympathy for her. Stugots : Um, actually she was was divorced. I'm a 51 year old male and in my mid 20's after becoming a Vice President I met recently divorced woman at a bar named Joan. She was beautiful. As the evening progressed and after several drinks and long conversation progressed she had the basic low down on who I was and I also understood that she was recently divorced with two children.
Her husband had cheated on her. To make a long story short we ended up back at my house around 1 a. The kids were not the issue. I've now been married for 18 years and look back on Joan with a few regrets. I simply wasn't mature enough not enough in savings, not enough experience, frankly probably not enough courage to handle being an instant daddy.
I often wonder what my life would be like if I stuck it out. Probably no worse off than now and frankly the sex was out of this world. Don't be afraid to explore new territory or accept additional responsibility in your life. You never know what it may lead to. Horpylorf Send a private message. Anonymous : What does being vice president spelled in big letters have anything to do with dating a woman with children?
Are we supposed to be impressed? We re not. Seek out narcissism and neutralize it in all its subversive forms. Anonymous : I like this man. A real man acknowledges his shortcomings and grows from it. Good for you, don't do something your gut says you might regret!! Taking extra responsibility as dear as children can be a huge blessing for you and them!!!!
She Has A Child
Love is a gift, loves lives given!! Anonymous : She would have destroyed you, you made the right call. Milan Send a private message. Most single fathers are really looking for someone to help take care of their child, for someone looking for a relationship it isnt best dating a single father unless u are looking for extra baggage untop of ur own. Milan : Goes both ways.
Clegane : Reasons I will not date a woman with a child: By their very nature, a woman will treat her child as first priority in everything.
When Dating a Single Parent, You MUST Follow This Rule
Now I understand this is a good thing, but when I am a single guy walking into the picture, I don't like the thought of it. I can take it or leave it, in which case I choose to leave it.
Also, I have tried dating women with children in the past because they tend to be homey and serious, which I was always a mature man for my age and love a home-bound woman or serious-about-life woman. But when they put on their online profile that "my kid is my life" or "I want a man that can treat my kid great" just doesn't sit well with me.
Us men know that the kid is their life, but I would be more wanting to date such a woman if she would at least downplay the child thing. It is more inviting if the woman would just downplay their child instead of bolt out at first glance that "my child is my life and you are not welcome in my or my child's life unless you are a stable and serious man".
I am a stable and serious man and I still get offended at that typical online profile saying. When females post "I want a man who will treat my kid s well", what she is saying is she wants a beta simp who will pay for everything while taking a back seat to her every demand. Steve Send a private message. I wouldn't date a woman with kids for a number of reasons. First off, you'd always be number two in the woman's life behind her number one priority. So I"d be making her number one in my life but she'd be making me number two.
This would be fine if they were my biological kids. I"d gladly take the number two spot. But they're not mine so screw that. Secondly, child bearing does a number on a woman's body. Saggy breasts, saggy ass, stretch marks, atrophied thigh muscles. And just the though of some other guy's kid schlopping out of her stretched out vagina makes me sick. I couldn't imagine going down on some woman that schlopped out some other guy's kid.
There there's the financial ct. If the relationship didn't work out and you lived with her, you'd be on the hook for child support even though they're not your biological kids.
Happened to a buddy of mine. They also tell you that "they already have a dad etc etc" but inevitably you'll be doing a lot of the daddy duties. Chloe Send a private message. Steve : Wow lol I can safely attest that your doing single moms a favor by not dating them because dating you would be like having an additional child to take care of. Edited on November 3, at UTC by the author. Steve : I have sex with single moms but I will never live with or marry one.
Your points are well taken. May88 Send a private message. Everyone has a stereotypical view of a single mum, however you cannot base general opinions on this in reality. To the men on here I think you are doing yourselves a disservice, there are many great men with the capacity to love beyond shared dna just like there is for women. Personally I see having kids as a positive as it weeds the good from the bad without having to actually do anything.
In response to some of the shitty comments that I see as derogatory towards single mums. There are good and bad people with and without kids so be more open minded to giving people a chance.
I have worked hard to get where I am all without the help of any man so why would I take from one now. Some of us single mums have strength, determination and strong morals that are enhanced by the need to do right by our kids. I drink less have zero flings, more focus and a much more grounded life. I believe many men would prefer that to someone who has a string of exes, one night stands and goes out getting on it every week.
May88 : Well said and included right there with you! May88 : Not credible. Men should not do anything but have protected sex with single moms. Dating with children takes plenty of patience and it depends on what you want. The bf has no kids and one of the things I really do love about him is that even for him, my son comes first.
He is very ok with that and encourages it. His dad walked away when he was 10 so he knows firsthand what his mom went through. He has developed a very good relationship with my son based on friendship.
A few things though I have taken great care to keep my dating life and my children separate. I completely understand that he has no children, doesn't want any and his comfort zone. He is absolutely crazy about the grandbaby though which is the first small child he has been around.
Its clear that my kids have a father, a very active father and he does not have to try and fill that role. I try and make time for him sans child even though if my son needs something I will be there. My children are expected to treat him with respect always. I can clearly see the other side though because I was not much on dating anybody with kids at least not small kids I know kind of strange for somebody who has them I am sure plenty of men feel that very same way.
Are you willing to date men with children? In fact, I'd prefer it because they would be able to relate better. Unfortunately, I haven't found many. SirTruth Send a private message. I haven't ruled it out, but I'm extremely reluctant to because all of the reasons others have stated. But bottom line I think you have to weigh the risks with the if there is any benefit.
Even a guy who's not fantastically good looking but is single and successful has a lot to lose. I think a lot of folks don't settle because they don't have to. I'm not comparing kids to height, but just look at how many women won't date a man shorter than them. It just boils down to not settling because there are other options. And another strong point to end with is that most women, especially those with multiple kids, do not want more children I guess just deep down, even if it doesn't happen, I still want that option.
Curious what you all think. KAlice Send a private message. If you are a guy that is planning on having a family then why is it so important to avoid women with kids? So if you connect with someone so deeply that your life will be a happy one with that person to the end why limit your options?
I personally thought that was extremely rude. Hymbajg Send a private message. I cant answer for year olds, that ship sailed a while back. As an older man I can speak to dating a woman with older kids. I met a woman online who lived 3 hours away. I liked her bio and being a Christian is important to me so I thought why not, let's have lunch. Long story short, that was two years ago.
Can It Really Work If She Has A Child? The Dating Nerd Weighs In
My kids are grown or living with their mother so I am a little more portable than she. I've grown to love her kids just as I would mine. She has done an amazing job raising them on her own.
Is she perfect?
Absolutely not, neither am I. But we've made the distance work knowing it's temporary. Now my house is for sale and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
I knew it was a package deal when I met her and I'm the one who grew from it. So go for it. Don't miss out on something by dismissing women with children.
And believe me, you will miss out. SarahK Send a private message. Keep in mind, you may have very different experiences if you message men first. In online dating, men have to search using specific criteria. A man in his 20's or early 30's isn't going to specifically seek out a woman with children, but he may be open to dating a woman with a child when he's presented with the entire picture.
I agree with CWBF that "my child is my world" profiles will kill your dating prospects, but I would mention the custody arrangement so men understand that you do have time to date. Whatislove Send a private message. If the the single mother is terminally Ill and has teens, and adult children that's does not fully understand her pain or show little comfort I mean if i were married to her through sickness and in health I would pretty much be the only one helping her because she makes me happy and I'm supposed to me her happy.
Meanwhile the teens kids have there own real father that spoils and loves them. But the mother wants to put them first sometimes instead of me. Shouldnt I have the right to tell her to worry about herself first? Mattylaaaad Send a private message. If I had a choice to either be with someone with kids or without kids then it wouldn't be a choice because of the fact if your dating a woman with kids accept the fact they come as a package you can be there for the kid while the kids dad isn't around but step back when he is but I think it shouldn't be the other way around like I've been thinking for few weeks now a guy will get with a woman with kids quite happily but when it comes to women getting with men with kids they don't want to know why is this.
A lot of answers aren't about single mothers that are raising kids by themselves no father involved. Tcarr22 Send a private message. I'm currently dating a woman with 3 kids and it's okay I guess I havent met the kids yet weve only been dating 2 months but I can already see the signs.
Hopefully everything will work out I like her alot but I'm definitely on the back burner which is completely fine it's very difficult at times though bc I'm use to being with someone without kids and just doing things at random. Also shes the first person I've dated with kids so everything is new to me I think im handling things well for now. MassMountainMan01 Send a private message. Well, coming from someone like myself without kids; it's tough to deal with the ex boyfriend, if I had kids of my own I couldn't complain, and neither should any guy for that matter!
Unless they're hypocrites! Too many guys with kids who are single complain about that and it's unfortunate, but some don't. When a guy has kids of his own, and he takes care of yours, then you'll be taking care of his too at times, see one hand washes the other in that sense.
However, when a person without kids dates a person with kids, it's reasonably fit to feel they're getting the raw end of the deal. You really should consider dating someone like yourself, who has a few kids himself. Dicky Send a private message.
Dating a chick with a kid
You are right to say you have a child. I think people are at different points in their lives when they date and they can weigh up from your description if they want to date a mom.
For some your profile will be a plus and others not where they want to be today. Have you thought of doing something like a speed dating evening? It is a good way to meet a few people and you could have a good time too.
Mar 27, The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good . May 02, Instagram/jess_stayswit_it Facebook/Youngin Jefe Juggin Twitterfirstname.lastname@example.org: Jesse WithThePlan. Why wouldn't you a date a woman with a child? I won't and wouldn't feel comfortable dating a woman with a kid or kids and I will explain why: I have taken chances more than once to date a.
You sound like a lovely person so whoever you date will be a lucky guy. Funktionull Send a private message. As someone who very recently had a relationship end with a single mother I can say that ultimately, at least for me, it comes down to how able and willing she is to separate the fact that she is in a relationship with the fact that she is a mother.
Be honest with yourself about your ability to do that. Yes your child comes first but are you willing on occasion to make reasonable sacrifices to put yours and the other person's needs and wants before them? If not, you objectively do not actually want a relationship. Just get some dick and some temporary companionship and move on. If the thought of acknowledging your relationship obligations to the other person makes you recoil with "that wound make me a bad mother" thoughts then please stay single.
Expecting someone to be ok with you having a kid, while being unwilling to change your M. O so you can be there for them in as great a capacity as possible makes you entitled and selfish. And that's what ended up being the biggest issue for me. I'm ok with being 2nd just not all the time. If always 2nd is all you have to offer someone then you really only have time for casual things that you can do on your own terms.
All of the other mentioned reasons luckily were not a factor in my situation but are all very realistic worries that I admittedly had going in.
I loved her son who was 9 and had a really good relationship with him I just couldn't get what I wanted out of her with him shoved up her ass all the time and her being completely ok with it being that way.
If she had been even remotely willing to meet me in the middle it would have been plenty. Would I ever do it again? But I would be open and honest about what I expected way before any effort was invested and I would cut and run the minute I saw signs of that not happening. Edited on December 28, at UTC by the author. As men, we see that and we recognize that. We credit you for having these qualities as a single mom. While you were holding his hand pushing out his creation, she was in the workforce, pushing money into her bank.
It is rather valuable phrase18.02.2020|Reply