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I know many Hmong women who refuse to date, let alone marry a Hmong man. Is this normal? Additionally, I have also heard those who agree with and support this life choice. There is no right or wrong way on how someone lives their life, who they fall in love with, or who they choose to stay away from. The expectations of a Hmong daughter-especially a Hmong nyab daughter-in-law is-in my opinion-the biggest factor as to why some Hmong women do not date even look at Hmong men. What are the expectations, you ask? An ideal Hmong woman is silent, passive, and obedient.
I think the question comes up over the past few decades sometimes in hot debate: at a broader level on why some Asian-background women date non-Asian men and also why some Asian-background men date non-Asian women.
It is important to remember where the person was at that point in life when they met their partnerface to face. He makes the pureed veggie soups, creative salads, desserts while I throw together the stir-fries more naturally, homemade focaccia, etc. It does help in terms of sharing values, intuitive understanding on certain issues, that he himself was an immigrant, had to learn English, was from a poor family and betttered his own situation by going through university.
Jean, you bring up a very good point. I live in a small town with an even more smaller Hmong community. And this Hmong community consisted of mainly families with the same last names. Growing up, it was hard to find a local Hmong boyfriend because of the taboo of dating someone with the same last name. Many girls opted for relationships with guys from out of town or out of state. More importantly, we love, respect, support and trust each other unconditionally and have always embraced our cultural differences as a positive force to bridge our two worlds.
My family especially my very traditional Hmong father had their reservations in the beginning, but gradually they have grown to absolutely adore my husband and also see in him all the great human qualities that I fell in love with - integrity, morals, values and etc. In all honesty, I have to say that with my husband being a highly educated individual with a successful international career, it did make it a lot easier for my family to accept the possibility that our relationship could work.
In addition, my husband is very open-minded, respectful of the sensitivities underpinning our cultural differences and has always shown and maintained consistency from day one with his genuine interest in wanting to learn more about our culture i.
He took my parents to Laos for a whole summer to see, understand and experience our culture from their perspective and through their eyes, in order to enrich his learning process.
I was born and raised in the US, grew up in one of the largest Hmong communities in America with strict Hmong values and principles. In the end, I met and fell in love with a white man from Europe. Sometimes, love just takes you down a different path from what your family would wish for you and themselves. But, I also see many of my female friends and relatives married outside of their race and out of the 9 that I know, only one is successful.
The rest of the couples have so much marital problems and 5 already divorce and are considered old maids in their thirties. Yes, Hmong tradition are sometimes not the best way to go, but please remember that other race have their own problems worst then us.
I urged you to keep your culture and traditional believes the good ones and never forget who you are and where you come from. Past it down to your children too. If u hate Hmong guys then this is the article for you. As for me i saw it differently. This is incorrect and written from ones opinion.
Not much of it is true. Proud to say my dad is the best person in this world. Cooks and clean for us always bringing us together. Of course this is all my personal opinions on this matter. MB is just opening up a new paradigm of thought around why more and more Hmong Women are moving towards inter-racial relationships. And if you look across all ethnicities, inter-racial coupling is becoming more and more prominent as the world becomes better connected through the advancement of information technology, and being able to bridge people from across the globe.
It is up to each individual to make a relationship work, regardless of the color of their skin. Absolutely not.
Speaking ONLY HMONG To My BOYFRIEND For 24 Hours!
My marrying outside of my culture had nothing to do with this. Love has no boundaries, limitations or segregations only people do. And in so doing, they create conflict within themselves and others.
Thank you for reading my article as is and not taking the assumption that I am bashing Hmong men. Of course, I knew this was inevitable because it is a sensitive topic to many Hmong men. If you hate hmong guys or hmong people then this is the article for you. As for me I saw it differently. Just because you grew up in a mess up family or married into one doesnt mean all Hmong families out there are F up.
For all I know the divorce rates for other races are freaken unbelievable. As a Hmong Man, I find it highly offensive, and it shows their ignorance and lack of understanding of our community. I believe that finding a partner, and love should not be bounded just to their community, and I also believe that one should not be enable by their community - stigmatizing Hmong Men in this manner does exactly that.
Yes, some do it out of ignorance, but I believe most do it because they are aware of the responsibilities of being a Hmong wife and the dynamics of family life within a Hmong family; and that is not the kind of life they want to live.
These are all learned behaviors that can taught starting at a young age. What I see is a problem are women who are aware of these issues continuing to enable their sons to perpetuate this cycle. Before you judge us Hmong men too harshly, consider this: We live in a country that has always subjugated us through the media. In fact, the very idea of interracial marriage is most often depicted by a white male with an ethnic female.
We see this everywhere television, movies, stories, posters, etc.
In contrast, minority men especially Asian men are usually depicted as geeky, ugly and un-heroic. Avoiding your own kind IS a form of racism. At least we Hmong men are willing to face these problems! Compared to every other ethnic group in America including white peopleHmong people have the greaest success in the shortest amount of time. Not many groups can boast the same.
It is a personal choice and whether or not you agree with it, they still have every right to do so. I disagree. The Chinese have been here almost as long as Caucasians and they are still Chinese. They have integrated, but not assimilated into something other than Chinese. By your regard, we should all just lay down and become white-washed simply because we live here. That they want more of a life than to become someone who has no voice, no opinion, no identity of her own?
I love being Hmong. Your example of the Chinese, the Chinese also struggle with gender inequalities. Not as much as we do as Hmong women because they have been here longer. Comparing our history here to others is not comparable at all.
Are we slowly getting there? The role of a Hmong man has always been to provide and take care of his family. Our fathers did it.
Their fathers did and so on. Here, in America, some may take care of their families, some may not. What does that make them? So, until you can solely say we are abandoning our culture when we chose to marry outside, I would stop to take a look at why it is happening.
We have assimilated. Maybe the problem is, our fellow Hmong brothers have not. We can be mothers, daughters, daughter in laws and wives but at the same time be strong, powerful, opinionated and educated. That is why some of us have chosen to go elsewhere. Your mentality is the the perfect example of why. Mary, you are just too good for ALL of us Hamong men! That is why no Hamong men is good enough for you and you chose to marry a white guy instead. Because you are trying to claim that an ct of the traditional Hmong culture from Asia is somehow being used here in the USA to stop Hmong women from having careers.
Guess what? When our parents and grand parents lived in the jungles of Laos, nobody had any careers to worry and talk about! If you wanted a Hamong man, then it could be assume that you would want a Hamong who also has a PhD or makes as much money as you, if not more. And why would Hamong parents of this Hamong man not want the income you provide for the family? If this Hamong man is intelligent and successful, he will likely be very Westernize as well, no different than a white guy.
But if you had a PhD and a great career, why would you marry a dumb Hamong man in the first place? Now imagine this scenario: you only have a highschool diploma and the best job you can get is a cashier. And guess what? Even if you husband was not Hamong, he would still expect that you sacrifice your cashier job for his factory career! How many men, regardless of their ethnicity and culture, would sacrifice their careers for their wives careers?
HINT: not many. If you truly had a career worth pursuing, as a woman, you are better off to pursue it before getting marriage. There are plenty of Italian-Americans, Latin-Americans and Asian-Americans who hold onto their cultural roots and traditions.
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However, I believe in integrating Hmong culture with the society we live in. I believe in what it means to be Hmong, first and foremost. That means fixing the problems we have from within. No Hmong men are educated and sophisticated enough for your white fetishes? I come from a new breed of Hmong men who are educated, confident and successful. Yet, we are humble enough to realize social changes are needed to uplift our own. But we Hmong men have a responsibility beyond what any Hmong woman could understand.
I sincerely hope that sometimes we can laugh at stupid stereotypes and work through all these disagreements. That is the real test of all.
Hmong women are responsible for nurturing the children, preparing meals, feeding animals, and sharing in agricultural labor. Traditionally, Hmong women eat meals only after the Hmong men have eaten first, especially if there are guests present in the house. Contemporary Hmong people cannot be characterized as subscribing to a single belief. Hmong Single & Dating. likes. CommunityFollowers: Hmong Women Today (HWT) was started by Annie Lee and Choua Chang in on Facebook as a social meet-up group to provide a safe space for women to share and support one another. In , HWT became an LLC.
Im in a situation where my mon and dad dont approve my relationship. My boyfriend is mien mixed wit hmong. His mom is hmong. He is half hmong after all. Does it really matter? My parents has been lecturin me bc i wont break up wit my bf. Like a young teen. We both do look a like and act a like.
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My dad is a well known hmong man. A well respected man also. He hates mien ppl so does my mom. I c no bad thing about me datin a mixed guy. He is still hmong after all. But im kinda iffy stayin wit hin bc my mom says he is no good. She told me never to contact any if my family members.
Not even them. Shes hmonng. My mom says do i want a life who im a no body? But according to my bf.
He aays his mom does still have hmong cousins she still contacts. Im so lost. I dont wanna gi e up on my bf bc i love him. But i already had made them sad wit the choices ive made. So what should i do?
May 25, Hmong woman dating - If you are a middle-aged man looking to have a good time dating woman half your age, this advertisement is for you. Rich woman looking for older woman & younger woman. I'm laid back and get along with everyone. Looking for an old soul like myself. I'm a man. My interests include staying up late and taking naps. Join the leader in mutual relations . 79 thoughts on " Why Some Hmong Girls Do Not Date Hmong Boys " Youa says: May 14, at AM I am one of those Hmong woman who is currently dating outside of the race due to my experiences with dating Hmong men. Education is the biggest factor as to why I am not in a relationship with a Hmong man. I may be frowned upon but my current. Posts about Dating written by MB. On April 30, , I read 3 emails commenting on a blog post I wrote 2 years ago titled "Why Some Hmong Girls Do Not Date Hmong Boys.".
Hold on and see if my bf will prove my parents wrong? Or listen just for their names? Helppppppp lol. I am truly sorry to hear your story. Sometimes, you have to make compromises and sacrifices. How does your boyfriend treat you? Is your relationship worth it? Will your relationship be worth it in the end? Life goes on and you can always turn lemons into lemonade. Good luck. Because Hmong boys are control freaks like any other Asian boy.
They kill girls who behave badly. You do have a point here. If you read my domestic violence in the Hmong community series, you will find that our culture sets the stage for violence in the home. When a white guy kills his asian girlfriend, it is always brutal. There have been a few high profile cases in the last decade. That is not true. Where is your evidence to back you up? What you just said is some craziness!
Thinking back on my ex, I am just not at all impressed with Hmoob men in my experience.
Gathered from all that, my impression of Hmoob men is very very very poor, to make their lists of unflattering and unimpressive qualities will be near to endless you have mentioned a lot of it in this blog entry already! And this is very sad if Hmoob men are supposed to lead our future generations. So before you go bragging about how unappealing Hmong guys are and how appealing Mexicans and other non-Hmong guys, truly be honest with yourself.
This is from my own perspective. I grew up going to school with non-hmongs. Hence why I can barely speak the language. Like for example, if I go out too late pass 10pm. Union membership tends higher Read Full Article dating site is a dating. Sia her newest piece confessions of hmong women and also taboo to dating minnesota! Let alone marry a hmong men; the forums! Twin cities area of a survey pertaining to visit his family.
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